Thinking Instead of Feeling: You Answer with What You Think

“What are you feeling right now?”

It sounds like a simple question. And yet, what comes out is usually something else: an explanation, a theory, a “probably because…” You already know exactly why you react the way you do. You could walk someone through your whole history. But when you're asked what's happening right now, you're suddenly at a loss.

It's not that you're answering the wrong question. It's that understanding and feeling aren't the same thing.

You can understand a lot without knowing what you feel

Some people are very self-aware in the sense of ideas. They know where their reactions come from, they've made the connections, they can explain what's going on for them clearly. And still, when asked what they're feeling as they talk about it, the answer doesn't come easily.

Both can be true at once: “I know why I react this way” and “I'm not sure what's happening in me right now.” That's not a contradiction. They're just two different things.

Why your head sometimes takes up so much space

There can be good reasons why understanding became more accessible than feeling.

Analyzing, explaining, sorting things out — that can be a way of keeping some distance from something that would otherwise feel more raw, more confusing, or harder to be in direct contact with. It's not a flaw. In some ways, it may be exactly what's helped you keep going.

It's also not a reason to judge yourself. The fact that your head takes up a lot of space doesn't mean something's wrong with you.

Thinking, feeling, and sensing aren't quite the same

A few examples make the difference easier to see.

“That's unfair.” — That's a thought, a judgment about the situation.
“I feel sad.” — That's an emotion.
“There's a knot in my throat.” — That's a sensation.

It's fine if all three blend together — most of the time, they do. But if someone asks what you're feeling and you answer mostly in thoughts, that's not a wrong answer. It's just what's most readily available to you.

And if you barely feel anything at all?

That happens. You might look for an answer and find only something vague, or nothing clear at all.

There's no hidden emotion you're required to dig up. “I don't know” can be a perfectly honest answer — and a fine place to start. The point isn't to land on the right feeling. It might just be noticing what it's like, for you, not to know what you feel.

What matters can be far more subtle than you'd expect

Feeling something doesn't always start with a big, obvious emotion. It can be tiny: your shoulders dropping a little, a different kind of breath, a heaviness, an urge to move, a sentence that catches you off guard, a sudden pull to change the subject.

These small signals don't need to be turned up or explained right away. A few seconds of contact with what's happening can be enough. It's not a failure if it fades as quickly as it came.

You don't have to force yourself to “get back into your body”

There's a lot of talk suggesting that reconnecting with your body would suddenly make everything clear. It's not that simple, and it's not really the point either.

Trying hard to feel the “right” way can turn into a new kind of self-monitoring — one more project, one more thing to get right. That's not what helps. What helps is staying curious about what's already there — thoughts included.

Sometimes you notice more when you're not alone with it

It can be easier to sense what's happening in you when you don't also have to explain it, justify it, or find the right thing to say. A presence that listens without needing a precise answer can make room for something to become clearer.

That's part of what we can explore together.

Relational and Somatic Therapist
Online sessions · Montreal, Quebec
Email: contact@francoislacharite.com

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