MY APPROACH
Understanding Why Isn't Always Enough
Maybe you've already done a lot of the work of understanding where your reactions come from — seeing the connection with what you've lived through, putting words to your story. And yet, in the moment, the same thing can happen again: anxiety rises, exhaustion doesn't really lift, or you feel the need to pull away before you've had time to choose.
That doesn't mean you haven't understood enough. Some reactions don't change simply because we understand them. They can still show up in the body, in our emotions, and in relationship — often before we've had time to think about what's happening.
That's where our work begins.
Your Ways of Protecting Yourself Are Not Who You Are
My work doesn't begin from the idea that there's something wrong with you. The ways you've learned to protect yourself developed for a reason, at a time when they were needed.
We're not trying to make them disappear. Together, we look at how they still show up today — what they're protecting, what they may be costing you, and what becomes possible when they aren't the only way you can respond.
NARM: Starting With What Matters to You
My work is grounded primarily in NARM — the NeuroAffective Relational Model. It's an approach to developmental trauma and attachment wounds: experiences that have shaped some of our protective responses and can still affect us in the present.
NARM begins with something simple: it's not up to me to decide what you should change. We start with what you genuinely want for yourself — in your life, in your relationships, in how you'd like to feel — and explore what's getting in the way, here and now.
That doesn't mean we ignore your history. We can talk about it when it's useful. But the work doesn't depend on tracing everything back or reliving the past. We're more interested in how these protective responses are showing up today — in your thoughts, emotions, body, and in the relationship between us.
As these reactions become clearer, other ways of responding can become possible.
Some of your familiar reactions may also show up directly in our work together: pulling away, looking for the right answer, worrying that you've disappointed me, or adjusting yourself so that everything stays okay between us. Rather than trying to correct them, we can look at them as they happen between us.
Sometimes, we can name more precisely what you’re afraid might happen in the relationship — for example, being rejected, judged, ignored, or manipulated — and look together at whether that matches what is actually happening between us, here and now.
This isn't about convincing you that your fear is wrong. When what you fear doesn't match what is actually happening, something can begin to loosen on its own in the way you protect yourself.
What Happens Between Us
Some things are hard to say, or even to show. Keeping them inside doesn't mean they disappear — they can come out another way: as distance, withdrawal, a sharper response than you meant.
Honest Sharing (Gopal Norbert Klein) invites you to come back to what's actually there — a sensation, an emotion, a thought — and put it into words. The other person receives what's shared without having to defend, explain, reassure, or correct. It can make room for being more fully yourself — and discovering a closeness with less to hold back or hide. I use this practice when it's relevant, particularly in couples work.
Honest Sharing, a Complementary Practice
Over time, this might mean noticing more clearly what you want before you respond. Staying connected to yourself in a difficult moment instead of losing touch with yourself. Or being able to respond in a way that feels more like what you actually want.
What This Can Look Like Over Time
You Don't Have to Be Sure Yet
You may still have questions, or not know exactly where to begin. The free call is simply a chance to meet, talk about what's bringing you here, and see whether the way I work feels like a good fit for you.
MY APPROACH
When you understand everything… but nothing changes
You probably already understand your patterns intellectually. But your reactions remain stuck. Despite all your insight, you may still feel overwhelmed by constant anxiety, an exhaustion nothing seems to soothe, or the need to withdraw in order to protect yourself.
These are not flaws. Your nervous system is replaying an old survival scenario. Rather than analyzing the “why” even more, we work with what is happening in your body — so your system can finally realize that the danger has passed and release the pressure.
The role of the sculptor
I see my role as that of a sculptor: I am not here to “fix” you, because your essence has remained intact. Like Michelangelo, who spoke of removing layers of marble to reveal the statue already present, we work together to clear the protections that cover your natural capacity for joy and connection.
Relationships are often the hardest terrain in attachment trauma — but they are also where the deepest transformation becomes possible. In session, we create the safety your system needs to finally experience connection differently.
The pillars of the work
My approach brings together somatic work, real connection, and an understanding of survival mechanisms.
1. Moving out of survival mechanisms
Anxiety and chronic fatigue are often signs of a nervous system stuck in alert mode. In session, we slow down to observe how your system reacts in connection, here and now.
2. Reclaiming your power to choose
With NARM, we explore how you adapted in order to survive. Patterns like disappearing to please, self-sabotaging, or disconnecting are not mistakes. They are strategies that have outlived their purpose.
3. Honest Sharing
Isolation is fed by what we believe we must hide in order to be accepted. We learn to name what is happening inside you — thoughts, emotions, sensations — in the present moment.
4. A somatic foundation
This work speaks directly to your nervous system and your body. By inhabiting your sensations without becoming overwhelmed, you gradually recover a more stable inner safety.
Ready to explore this approach?
If this approach resonates with what you are living, I invite you to book a free initial call.
Relational and Somatic Therapist
Online sessions · Montreal, Quebec
Email: contact@francoislacharite.com
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Certified member of ICAHP
Disclaimer: François Lacharité offers somatic and relational support. These services do not replace medical advice, psychiatric diagnosis, regulated psychotherapy, or medical treatment. If you are experiencing an emergency, please contact emergency services in your area.
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