Couples Therapy FAQ

1. Before getting started

Do both partners need to be equally motivated to come to therapy?
No. It is completely possible for one of you to be more motivated to start therapy while the other comes with doubts, skepticism, or simply a different perspective on the situation.

The goal is not to convince either of you to change or to adopt the other person's view. Instead, we start with what is actually present for each of you: what you are experiencing, what you want, and what brings you here.

You don't need to agree on what the problem is or want exactly the same thing to begin looking together at what is happening between you.

What happens if one of us is more closed off or hesitant to talk?
The goal is not simply to get the person who withdraws to talk more. Instead, we can slow things down and look at what is making the exchange difficult at that moment, for both of you.

It is completely okay to say that you don't know what to say, that you are unsure, or that you don't want to go any further for the moment. What is happening in that moment can become part of what we look at together, without forcing anyone to open up.

The goal is not for both of you to speak in the same way, but to create enough safety for each of you to stay connected with what you are experiencing.

Will you take sides?
No. My role is not to be an arbitrator, decide who is right, or determine who is to blame.

Instead, I seek to understand what is happening for each of you and between you. If the interaction becomes highly reactive — for example, with blame, pressure, or withdrawal — I may step in to slow things down and return to each person's experience.

The goal is not to determine who is right, but to create enough safety for each of you to be genuinely heard in what you are experiencing.

2. The sessions

What is the first couples therapy session like?
Following our connection call, the first session gives us time to explore what is happening between you today: how each of you experiences the relationship and what happens when you try to talk about it together.

During the session, we may slow down certain moments and look more closely at what is happening for each of you — what you are feeling, thinking, noticing in your body, and what is happening in your interaction.

You don't need to tell your entire story or go through the whole history of your relationship. We start with what matters to you today and what you would like to see change in your relationship.

Can we come to couples therapy even if our relationship is doing relatively well?
Yes. You don't need to be in a crisis to come to couples therapy.

You may want to better understand a pattern that keeps coming back, talk about certain subjects more easily, or simply explore what happens between you when you move closer, pull away, or have difficulty reaching each other.

Couples therapy can also be a space to deepen the way you relate to each other, even when your relationship is going through a relatively stable period.

Can couples therapy help after a betrayal or loss of trust?
Yes. A betrayal, lie, or breach of trust can leave many difficult things in a relationship: anger, sadness, fear, mistrust, or withdrawal.

In session, we take time to look at what each of you is experiencing today and what happens between you when you talk about what happened. You don't need to know in advance whether you want to stay together, rebuild the relationship, or take separate paths.

The goal is not to force forgiveness or decide for you what your relationship should become, but to create enough safety for what each of you is experiencing to be seen and expressed.

Is it possible to have an individual session with you?
As part of couples work, there may be times when an occasional individual session is helpful. It can provide some additional space with one of you when something is making it difficult to engage in the work together. The overall framework, however, remains couples therapy.

These sessions are not intended to become individual therapy alongside couples therapy. If your couples work comes to an end and one of you would then like to continue individually with me, we can discuss it at that point and see whether that transition is appropriate.

What if we argue during a session?
It is possible for tension to rise during a session, especially when something sensitive is being discussed. You don't need to be perfectly calm or know exactly how to talk about things before coming.

If the interaction becomes highly reactive — with blame, pressure, or withdrawal, for example — I may step in to slow things down rather than trying to determine who is right.

We can then take some time to look at what is happening for each of you in the moment: what you are feeling, what you are afraid of, and what is becoming difficult to hear or express.

What happens between you during the session can then become part of what we look at together, rather than an obstacle to the work.

3. When things are uncertain

What if we are considering separation?
You don't need to be certain that you want to stay together in order to begin couples therapy.

If you are at a point where you are questioning the future of your relationship, we can take time to look at what is happening for each of you and what is leading you to consider separation.

The work is not about convincing you to stay together or deciding for you what your relationship should become. It can instead help you better understand what is happening between you and put more direct words to what each of you is experiencing and wants.

You can come even if you don't yet know which direction you want to take.

Do both partners need to be present for every session?
Yes. Couples sessions are normally scheduled with both partners present, since the work focuses in part on what is happening between you in the moment.

If one of you cannot attend, the usual cancellation and rescheduling policy applies, with 24 hours' notice. The session does not automatically become an individual session for the partner who is present.

There may, however, be times when an occasional individual session is planned as part of the couples work when it may be useful to the process. This is different from turning a couples session into an individual session simply because one partner is absent.

What happens if one of us no longer wants to continue couples therapy?
Couples therapy is based on the free consent of both partners, so neither of you is required to continue if one of you wants to stop.

If this happens, we can take some time to look at what is leading each of you to want to continue, stop, or take a different direction. I will not try to convince either of you to continue against your wishes.

If one of you decides to end the couples work, couples therapy comes to an end. We can then discuss together what would be most appropriate for what comes next.

If you'd like to see whether the way I work could be a good fit, you can start with a free 20-minute call.

Relational and Somatic Therapist
Online sessions · Montreal, Quebec
Email: contact@francoislacharite.com

Navigation
Approach
About
Blog

Support
FAQ
Fees
Testimonials

Professional Framework
Member of the International Compliance Assurance for Holistic Practitioners (ICAHP)
Member of the Association des Naturothérapeutes du Québec (ANQ)

© 2026 François Lacharité. All rights reserved.